Monday, February 10, 2014
So much to process...
IF:Gathering was nothing short of amazing. So many times throughout the weekend, God kept connecting dots for me, mainly by speakers mentioning passages of Scripture that I have read or had fresh in my mind in the past several weeks. I kept going, "Okay, you want me to pay attention to this thing with the Israelites being delivered out of Egypt," and, "Okay, clearly I need to revisit the whole concept of abiding with Christ," and, "Yep, we're all parts of one body with individual giftings, gotcha..."
But I think a part of me expected a major breakthrough, similar to my experience at the last women's retreat with my church. A moment of total clarity and surrender and brokenness, that clear confirmation that, yes, I needed to be here for this. And as the weekend went on, I felt like I was just waiting for some Big Thing God may want to say to me or deliver me from or...something. Don't get me wrong: I learned SO much, and I know God was teaching me plenty, and I have no regrets about going to Austin. I just haven't quite figured out what the Bigger Picture is (if there is one) for why he had me there. I have a lot to process, I know that much. I need to re-watch the main sessions and actually take notes. (How did I manage to only take like four lines of notes the entire weekend? Don't I know how bad I am at retaining anything without writing it down? Gah.)
I definitely feel like one reason I was there was to make some connections to the Beth Moore study we just started. (I mean, the study is called Breaking Free, and several speakers at IF talked about Galatians 5:1 - It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.) So maybe I needed to be there so I can eventually offer some insight or encouragement to a girl from my Bible study small group in these next 10 weeks.
I guess I was selfishly wishing for an "aha" moment, where God would say, "Tabitha, here is my plan for you. Follow these five steps and yada yada yada. This is the race I want you to run for me." And maybe that's just not what it was about.
So for now, I am just trying not to get bogged down with the day to day stuff of life but rather to be present with Christ, and I'm praying for guidance and clarity, and I'm trying to leave space for God to speak. I am thankful, so thankful, for IF and all the resources they are already pouring out to help continue the conversations and lessons that began this past weekend.
Ah, the quest for presence and patience: story of my life.