Monday, February 10, 2014

So much to process...


IF:Gathering was nothing short of amazing.  So many times throughout the weekend, God kept connecting dots for me, mainly by speakers mentioning passages of Scripture that I have read or had fresh in my mind in the past several weeks.  I kept going, "Okay, you want me to pay attention to this thing with the Israelites being delivered out of Egypt," and, "Okay, clearly I need to revisit the whole concept of abiding with Christ," and, "Yep, we're all parts of one body with individual giftings, gotcha..."

But I think a part of me expected a major breakthrough, similar to my experience at the last women's retreat with my church.  A moment of total clarity and surrender and brokenness, that clear confirmation that, yes, I needed to be here for this.  And as the weekend went on, I felt like I was just waiting for some Big Thing God may want to say to me or deliver me from or...something.  Don't get me wrong: I learned SO much, and I know God was teaching me plenty, and I have no regrets about going to Austin.  I just haven't quite figured out what the Bigger Picture is (if there is one) for why he had me there.  I have a lot to process, I know that much.  I need to re-watch the main sessions and actually take notes.  (How did I manage to only take like four lines of notes the entire weekend?  Don't I know how bad I am at retaining anything without writing it down?  Gah.)

I definitely feel like one reason I was there was to make some connections to the Beth Moore study we just started.  (I mean, the study is called Breaking Free, and several speakers at IF talked about Galatians 5:1 - It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.)  So maybe I needed to be there so I can eventually offer some insight or encouragement to a girl from my Bible study small group in these next 10 weeks.

I guess I was selfishly wishing for an "aha" moment, where God would say, "Tabitha, here is my plan for you.  Follow these five steps and yada yada yada.  This is the race I want you to run for me."  And maybe that's just not what it was about.

So for now, I am just trying not to get bogged down with the day to day stuff of life but rather to be present with Christ, and I'm praying for guidance and clarity, and I'm trying to leave space for God to speak.  I am thankful, so thankful, for IF and all the resources they are already pouring out to help continue the conversations and lessons that began this past weekend.

Ah, the quest for presence and patience: story of my life.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Oh Jesus, You make all things new...

Tomorrow morning I'm hopping on a plane to Austin, Texas.  This will be my first time flying alone, and my first time in Texas in my remember-able life.  (In other words, I think I've been to Texas before, as a wee child, but I have no recollection of it.)

I'm going for a thing called If: Gathering -- a not-quite-conference for women of God to explore the question, "IF God is real… THEN what?"

Honestly, I'm not 100% sure what this thing is all about.  I heard about it through a couple of different Christian bloggers I follow, and was immediately intrigued because it was envisioned by Jennie Allen, who wrote a Bible study I did  (and loved) with a few ladies last year.  

And for some reason, within minutes of learning about this thing, I knew I needed to be there. 

I think partly, I've been wanting to explore what it is God is calling me to in this season of life.  I know there's something in the works, and I know I haven't been very faithful in being still before the Lord to hear what it is.  One thing I do know is that, in some way, my calling involves other women.  A month or so ago, I felt prompted to get more involved with the women's ministry at Reality (my church), and suddenly this past Monday, I found myself leading a small group for the Beth Moore Bible study we are beginning. 

So, I am incredibly excited about this weekend in Austin.

I'm also a bit anxious (for various and sundry reasons, like what if I didn't pack the right clothes for the weather? and what if I'm not as "cool" as everyone else, because obviously I'm still in 8th grade?)...and I'm a bit sad.  I'm sad to be away from Joe for four days, and sad I'll be experiencing this new place without him.

All this to say, your prayers would be so welcome and appreciated, for all the things I've mentioned and any I haven't that you may be able to deduce or divine from above.

And also, consider this post a big feather duster on the ol' bloggity blog.  I really wanna revive this thing, and what better time than when I'm about to meet (probably) a whole mess of awesome bloggers?

(If you're one of those If-goers who found me from our Facebook group, leave a comment so I can stalk get to know you a bit before Friday!)

Saturday, November 2, 2013

So much for 61 days of blogging (much less 31)!

Well, I failed #31Days pretty epically.  I managed to post for 17 days, then missed two when I was out of town, then wrote one more, and then...nothing else.

Lesson learned: I can't force myself to write every day and expect it to always be fun (for me) or worthwhile (for you).  I honestly think there are only about four posts of the 18 that I am remotely proud of.

So, I will NOT be doing NaBloPoMo this year.  I know...gasp!  I've attempted it every year since, like...2008 I think?  And succeeded all but once or twice. But even when I did post every day for a month, it NEVER FAILS that at least 1/3 of my posts are total crap because I just write for the sake of saying I did it.

It would be one thing if these write-every-day challenges actually served to help me write better stuff or be more inspired or something.  But if all they do is make me frustrated most of the time, or stress me out about "failure," then I think it's time to admit that they're not for me.

But I DO want to write more on this blog, and I want what I write to be worthwhile.  So I guess I need to work on that in some way other than pressure-filled challenges.

Probably it all boils down to prioritizing my time better, which seems to be the cause for a lot of my issues (messy house, rarely cooking real food, lack of sufficient sleep...).

More on that later. :-)

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Procrastinate

I'm posting every day in October for The Nester's #31Days link-up. Click here to see all of my posts in this series.


I think I grew a grey watching you procrastinate.

-Incubus (from "A Certain Shade of Green")


Well, I missed Friday and Saturday.  I was home with my family, celebrating my brother's 30th birthday, so blogging took a back seat to all that, and I am absolutely unapologetic.

We got home earlier today, and I could've spent a little time making today's post amazing to make up for missing two days, but I am the queen of procrastination, guys.  Instead of unpacking my things from the weekend or doing the laundry that has been calling my name for days, I painted my nails and watched a bunch of stuff on Hulu.

But isn't that what Sundays are for?

Anyway, I'll try to cut back on the crapitude for the next 11 days of this thing.  Surely I have at least two or three more worthwhile posts in me, right?

Maybe.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Authority

I'm posting every day in October for The Nester's #31Days link-up. Click here to see all of my posts in this series.


And I say to you, My friends, don’t fear those who kill the body, and after that can do nothing more. But I will show you the One to fear: Fear Him who has authority to throw people into hell after death. Yes, I say to you, this is the One to fear! Aren’t five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God’s sight.

-Luke 12:4-6


Just that today. I'm visiting family this weekend, so expect some pretty short/lame posts the next couple days. :-)